I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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