I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
