he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
