PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
