It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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