Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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