The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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