I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
