Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
