She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
