I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
