Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
