woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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