there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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