I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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