Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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