im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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