He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
