ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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