I wanna bring you to show and tell
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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