she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
