Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So. Much. Porn.
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