I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
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Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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