i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
