I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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