I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
