bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
