I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's never too late to be topless.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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