Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
