Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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