im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize