He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
