Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
