it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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