we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
