Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
