I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
