hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
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Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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