Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
