did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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