I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
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Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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