When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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