she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
