I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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