I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
