I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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