i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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