apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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