My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
