Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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