I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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