I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The ass gains better be worth it
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