so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
