someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
