Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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