You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
