I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
