and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
