If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
