how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
