if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just want nice things and good sex
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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