I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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