Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
