Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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