People in love make me want to vomit
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
