Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
