Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
