i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
