i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
