It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
