Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
