Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
